She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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