considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
