I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
