im six kinds of drunk right now
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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