Old men and throwing up are my life now.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
