he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
