Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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