i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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