No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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