Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
