How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
