you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
