Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
my liver is dry heaving
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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