:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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