I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
