I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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