she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
