it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
