Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize