your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
