she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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