i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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