saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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