god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize