More tranny stories later!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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