I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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