why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
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Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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