i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
