I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
