I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I need moral support for this bender
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
