Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
