I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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