you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
