you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm both gender and math confused
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
