Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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