We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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