Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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