well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
