i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Two words: blizzard sex
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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