I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
