Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just want nice things and good sex
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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