I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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