Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
