It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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