sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
