She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
