Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
