Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
