I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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