just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
