If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
