once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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