2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
