And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
