Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize