The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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