I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i out mim tonsoeep
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