Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
