If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Come see our sink grown plant.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
