LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
