dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I cut my penus on the lid.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
