the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
