i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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