Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
