splinters make it hard to masturbate
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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