i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
