If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
