Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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