Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
