Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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