JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
