Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
