I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING THE BAGELS
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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