i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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