I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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