apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
