your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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