Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
