which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
