I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
