I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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