He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
