im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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