8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
